SCENE 1 – INT. ROBYN’S SHITTY LITTLE BACHELOR APARTMENT IN ACTUAL BUTTHOLE OF THE WORLD LONDON, ONTARIO. MAY 2012.
Robyn is alone, as usual. She has finished packing and is about to leave the city where she achieved one of her most cherished life-long goals: obtaining her Masters degree in Library and Information Science, the first step toward becoming a real-life, honest-to-god, defender of knowledge and warrior in the war on ignorance, that most hallowed of professions, a Librarian.
Fuck yeah, I’m gonna be a librarian! I’ll work anywhere, I’ll do anything, as long as I’m slinging books and shushing people, I’ll be happy.
She pauses, considers.
Except academic librarianship. Fuck that shit.
SCENE 1 – INT. ROBYN’S SHITTY LITTLE BEDROOM IN HELHEIM. NO, NOT THE MYTHICAL FROZEN DOMICILE OF THE CHTHONIC NORSE GODDESS HEL, BUT THE PRETENTIOUS EPITHET USED BY OUR PRETENTIOUS TIT OF A PROTAGONIST TO REFER TO HER FAMILY’S HOUSE. AUGUST 2017.
After years of struggling to break into her profession, Robyn has been a librarian for a little over a year. Currently Queen Bitch of a minuscule branch in a rural library system, she has grown greedy and entitled and self-deluding. The hour and a half drive cuts into time that could, after all, be spent writing her novel, the artistic Sword of Damocles that haunts her every waking moment… or perhaps playing Stardew Valley. She is sprawled on her bed, half-heartedly skimming job postings while listening to Spanish rap and trying not to double-text the broad-shouldered, ill-tempered, gold-hearted love of her life.
Hm, maybe I’ll apply to this academic librarian job.
SCENE 1 – INT. A PRIVATELY-OWNED ACADEMIC INSTITUTION WHOSE NAME SHALL REMAIN UNUTTERED LEST THE ACCURSED SYLLABLES CONJURE UP SOME UNHOLY DEMON FROM THE SIXTH CIRCLE OF HELL, WHICH, AS EVERYONE KNOWS, IS RESERVED FOR DEMONS RESPONSIBLE FOR THE CONCEPT OF PRIVATELY-OWNED ACADEMIC INSTITUTIONS. LOOK IT UP IF YOU DON’T BELIEVE ME.
Robyn sits at a desk in a library comprised of three shelves. She has spent the last three months working as an academic librarian: submitting invoices for textbooks, managing databases (a task that she still has no real idea how to complete; she is amazed that no one has caught on to this fact yet), and responding to passive-aggressive emails with the ghost-making venom of Leiurus quinquestriatus, the Deathstalker scorpion.