***SMUT REPORT KLAXON****

Let’s talk about–

DAMMIT, SALT-N-PEPA, HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO TELL YOU GORGEOUS QUEENS OF HIP-HOP, NOT NOW, FFS.

But also, yes, let’s do exactly that. Yes, you’re right, it’s time for the Smut Report, in which I, Grand Dame of this humble Blog, will inform you which smutty books are worth your time, you filthy bastards. Let’s do it. I mean, not it, jesus, get your minds out of the gutter, this is a family blog (no, it’s not).

A Court of Frost and Starlight – Sarah J. Maas

Image result for a court of frost and starlight

Smut level:

Image result for meh gif

How Much I Remember About the Plot: 

Yo I’m not even gonna lie I skimmed this bish for the d, and joke’s on me cuz woo boy was I disappointed. Same old, same old. This isn’t even ao3 m-rated shiz ok? Get thee to a fanfiction site asap if crazy fae-f*cking is what ye desire.

Worth it? 

Nope.

Once Upon a Marquess and Her Every Wish – Courtney Milan (it’s a series ok?)

Image result for Once Upon a Marquess and Her Every Wish - Courtney MilanImage result for Once Upon a Marquess and Her Every Wish - Courtney Milan

Smut level:

Image result for bored gif

How Much I Remember About the Plot:

Put-upon but plucky heroine receives assistance from wealthy blue-blooded aristo, times two.

Worth it? 

I mean, maybe. It’s pretty clean, but there are also corsets, so not a total loss.

Beasting Beauty – Madison Faye

Image result for Beasting Beauty - Madison Faye

Smut level:

Image result for what the fuck gif

How Much I Remember About the Plot:

Beauty and the Beast remake… FROM HELL.

Worth it? 

On the misogynistic bones of Walt Disney himself, no.

The Beau and the Belle – R.S. Grey

Image result for The Beau and the Belle - R.S. Grey

Smut level:

Image result for disappointed gif

How Much I Remember About the Plot:

Not a single gottdanged thing.

Worth it? 

Listen, I’m not one to forget smut, so if even I managed to block that out, you know there’s some nasty shit going down. So yeah, probably worth it.

Fierce – Rosalind James

Image result for Fierce - Rosalind James

Smut level:

Image result for not bad gif

How Much I Remember About the Plot:

New Zealand. Maori hero. NEED I SAY MORE.

Worth it? 

Aue! (OH YES in Maori fyi)

 

DILF– London Hale

Image result for DILF- London Hale

Smut level:

Image result for no michael scott gif

How Much I Remember About the Plot:

Too much. Too f*cking much.

Worth it? 

No. Christ help us all, no.

And that’s all, folks.

Oh wait.

Uh, oh.

It’s–

 

 

img_20180423_145844_651.jpg

As Cicero said in Paulus, Qui tacet non utique fatetur, sed tamen verum est eum non negare. 

I… I don’t think I will look that up until I am mentally prepared to deal with the shade this cat is throwing my way. So… never.

Read on, you dirty bastards. And be a dear and let me know if you find a really filthy one, will you?

— xo, R

 

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